Coming back from the wedding of a ‘prospective’ guy in the past, I wondered “Did I miss out on having this guy in my life? Was I too selfish that I said no ? Did I miss being married to him by my stupidity or selfishness ?”
The truth is – when I began praying about him, I got to know he is going steady with someone else. Seems like an answered prayer ? Except that the answer was clearly in the negative.
I could not help but wonder, as a single, then, about all the ‘NOs’ I said to few good, eligible bachelors, who expressed serious interest in marrying me. Thanks to many elders in the society who sulked when one by one, these so-called ‘good-marriage-material-guys’ tied the knot. Few from the family would say stuff like “You missed out on him. Such a good guy.” “You were busy making mistakes – and you lost out on the perfect mate.”
Come to think of it, each one of these eligible men made a great pair with me, according to everyone else but me. Now when I even think of how my life would have been if I married either of them – I shudder at the very thought.
With one, I never had any attraction whatsoever, though I tried very hard – so I’m guessing if I married him, I would dread every romantic night starting from the first suhaag raat (devoid of all ‘aag’ for me).
With the other, I always knew it would be a compromise, because we were not spiritually compatible. I would’ve been spending the rest of my life trying to change him, and making it a living hell for him and for me. Was he a good guy? Of course! (And the society members say Amen;)
With one other, no chemistry. I was always entertaining to him, and he was always boring to me. I tried to ‘love his company’ and even some church leaders coaxed me to ‘try him out’. I remember very vividly, while we were good friends, I prayed about him and asked Jesus to lift my heart off of him if he’s not the guy from me. I was going to office in the bus, and that morning, I suddenly felt a burden being lifted off my chest. I called my best friend Preethi and told her “All my feelings for this guy are gone. Suddenly.” And the good news was this – I felt so light! I just knew that I knew that I knew that if I married him, I would ruin that poor guy’s life. I backed off. It was as if a cloud was lifted off my eyes and now I could see clearly – clearly how we were not compatible – there is no chemistry, no click and above all – no conviction. I was surprised, when few of my very good friends I had great fellowship with, said “Thank God, we always thought you can do better.”
As a single, I considered thinking and praying about so many, and once you reach the marriageable age, you are legally allowed, by your parents even, to check out guys and ‘consider’ them. I seriously did that.
There was this one guy, whom most of my family thought was Mr.Perfect. I prayed myself to ‘feel’ for him but it never happened. After a few years, I thought I should seriously pray about him and ask him if was still interested in me. What I ended up finding out was his engagement date. Still, there were voices from outside saying “You delayed. You were busy sinning. You should have asked him out earlier..”
One quality that repelled me in this Mr.Perfect guy was this – he wanted everything to be perfect including my past. He always spoke of the mistakes I had done, very carelessly, and absolutely no hint of grace. And man, I always prayed for a man who has known and experienced and oozes off the grace of Jesus Christ. I never found that grace in him.
For the society, grace might not an ‘eligible’ quality but for me, every fiber of my being resounded with grace.
Then you have these guy friends whom you hangout with regularly. Just friends. Good friends. And you keep playing that video in your mind now and then ‘What if we got together? How will it look like?’ and you realize ‘Naa, we’re better off being friends. May be. Not sure.” And then one of them get married, and you wonder ‘Oh should I have tried it out?’ and then you end up hanging out with him as a family, and you look at him and his wife and go ‘They are so-made-for-each-other and he was so-not-made-for-me. Thank God. Friends forever wonly”
Consider this: Have you ever driven a car with a GPS – where this lady keeps giving you directions at every turn – guiding you on when to turn, how long before you take a left or right, what’s coming up ahead, etc. And whenever you miss a turn, the system re-calibrates and offers you another option to get back on to the road, which will lead you to your destination.
Sometimes, we don’t even trust God as much as we trust a machine. If your Father is with you in the car, and sees you missed out on a left, won’t He take you some other way – does He not have the potential to orchestrate events and things around you to make sure you reach your destination ?
When you really trust Him, the missed lefts and rights won’t matter at all. What matters is whether He is still in the car with you and he knows where he’s taking you.
It is good when I somehow ‘missed’ those lanes because He led me through a new road. I never thought this road would have big bumps, dirty ditches, unexpected turns and a not-so-good approach road. I also saw on this road, brand new things – things that never reminded me of my past or even reflected it. Fresh air – new fragrance – new sign boards – and before I knew it, I met my husband on this off-beat road. I reached my destination. And the journey was long but not irksome because I had great company.
Thank God for those missed lefts and missed rights (Mr.Rights) – I met my companion for life. And the more I knew him, the more I knew, at every step, that I wanted to spend every moment of my life with him. The conviction that I got now – never had even five percent of it for any of the other guys in my entire life. Till now, I still know that I won’t get a majority vote from the society on this. It does not bother me for it was never a criterion for me. Marriage needs a minority vote and a majority celebration. Don’t confuse the feast-ers with the influencers or decision makers.
The deciding vote for you is You and Jesus first and those who love you, next.
Do you believe that God loves you ? I mean, really, really loves you so much that – from the time you committed to Jesus, He has never let anything ‘good’ pass you by. The moment you waiver in your belief about His love, you worry and murmur.
“You were peevish and discontented in your tents, and said, Because the Lord hated us, He brought us forth out of the land of Egypt to deliver us into the hand of the Amorites to destroy us.” Deut 1:27
Beloved, you might not out rightly, like the Israelites say ‘Because the Lord hates me’ but you might be doubting his love because you still can’t see the promise land. Some of the signs include being discontent and complaining always.
Seriously, do you believe Jesus loves you and He only wants to – always – bless you. That the Lord who blessed you can never curse you. It is possible for a Christian to walk into a curse, but it is impossible for God to speak a curse on you.
Don’t ever condemn yourself for the mistakes you made in the past. Jesus never came to condemn but to save. There is no condemnation in true love. You believe He loves you ? He does not determine your future according to your past.
If there is anything that kept me going through my single years it is this – the assurance that God loves me.
Not a day passes by, when I look at my husband as he is sleeping – that I go and quietly kiss him – and thank my Lord Jesus that He gave me more than what I asked or ever imagined.
Do you truly believe that Jesus loves you ?
(If you want to re-discover the love of God, you can read the 30-day devotions on God’s love at: https://shruthijoy.wordpress.com/2012/04/16/his-love-endures-forever-day-1/)