The other man in my life …


He loved to be served and I hated that in principle. Why can’t men just serve themselves? Everything is laid out on the table, and you’re still waiting for someone to serve you ?

I would do it out of love like 3/5 times and out of grudging heart the other times. If you’re so hungry, just go to the kitchen, or check the fridge – heat the food and eat – what can be so hard about that? Indian men! Huh!

Whether he worked or retired, he always took his afternoon nap, uninterrupted, and never gave it up for anything in the world. I grumbled again “Why does he do that? I think he is being lazy!”

“You look better in kurtis. Don’t wear tight jeans with tight tops. Please go and change,” he would say gently.

“Oh, please there is nothing wrong with this. I look nice in jeans also. You’re just narrow-minded” and I used to storm out banging the door.

“Why are you smashing the draws so hard? Do it gently.”

“I’m a tomboy and this is how I do it. Nothing wrong with it. Did it ever break or crack? No!”

After 29 years of living with this man in my house, I found the second most important man in my life – the one I am married to now. I picked up books to read and understand “men” so I can be a good wife. Went for pre-marital counseling, watched teachings on marriage, put in so much effort – because I love him.

I remember dining at my husband’s house for the first time, and there he was – sitting like a king and everyone served him – even re-filled the water in his glass – mostly his mom. I was like “No way!” I told him later that I would not do that for him – he’s gotta serve himself. He said yes, and I was happy.

Few days into marriage, and I was all ‘let me serve you’ types – I loved serving him but I did not want to show it. I asked him why he loved to be served and he said “I feel loved. Not that I can’t do it, but it just makes me feel so special.” I never had a problem serving him ever since, though he helps a lot in setting the table and even serves me sometimes, but it was not an issue anymore.

When Mark sleeps, I never disturb him nor do I grumble. I love to watch him sleep and I keep kissing him so often. Oh did I mention he likes me better in Indian kurtis and I make sure my wardrobe is filled with some good ones.

Within the first month itself, he noticed my rough-pushing-draws  habit. Initially, he was like “Why are you angry?”. I was like puzzled, and then he said “then why are you banging those draws like that?” ..Oops!

Last night, I was reading about how food and sleep are like ‘essentials’ for a man. He’s gotta get his food and he’s gotta have his sleep at his any cost. Some men catch a nap in between work, and that boosts them up for the entire day. That’s exactly what my dad used to do – but I thought he was lazy.

Get into a prison and ask men their number one problem – and they’ll complain about bad food. You might expect loneliness or long-wait-for-justice as their number one concern – but surprisingly  good food is one of their major concerns, the author was explaining.

Men, whether India or abroad, just love to come home after a hard day’s work, and just eat. Does not have to be the perfect recipe cooked perfectly well – it has to just be tasty food, in a peaceful ambience with a happy waitress waiting to feed him!

My eyes filled up as I read that – how many times in all these years I misunderstood the one man who loved me without expecting anything back – my father!

I never changed for him, like I did now for my husband, still he never even mentioned it. I remember the last 30 days in my house, how dad and me always had lunch together, every afternoon. I don’t have those afternoons now, to happily serve him and even cook something for him.

I called him the other day and told him that I misunderstood him and I was sorry. He said “Don’t worry about all that. You never offended me – it is ok beta. I’m missing you”

I hung up and cried myself to sleep.



  1. Its very joyful story, how it took you two decades to evolve from being asked to serve, to want to serve with a loving heart. And, yeah its true. Good food and Good sleep makes a man, good man.

    Could you please write what your mom used to say when you grumble at your dad.

    Am also hoping to read a sequel when your daughter is asked to serve her dad (your beloved husband) if she grumble how are you gonna deal with that?

    This is well written stuff. Keep up the good work. Let your ink never run dry.

    • Emmanuel, wassup bro! Thanks for reading and commenting. Most of the times, the grumbling was in the head or with sister. Mom somehow was okay with dad – I guess for that generation – these things were petty and were expected in a marriage. About the sequel … well, there’s lot of time for it ha ha hahah!!

  2. Wow !! What a raw nerve to touch !! Brought tears to my eyes. Its so real. Thanks for posting ! I am sure all your readers will relate to this one !!

  3. Joy ! I put a normal “smile” smiley .. but it just changed it into a laughing smiley. That is not how it is supposed to look .

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s