Just because you can’t find ‘your type’ around to even consider, should you go ahead and consider ‘not-your-type’ also? Surprisingly, many answer YES. And that YES, if you look closely, is ‘Yes’ for two reasons:
1. Sick of searching YES
2. My friends and parents say so – YES
Common, use your Common Sense
Decision-making, if dependent on emotion (desperation) or peer pressure, is definitely not wise-decision-making. And sometimes we forget that common sense is also given by God, and we tend to de-spiritualize common sense, and we want to pray about every single thing, even the thing we know we are going to say no for – but just for the heck of ‘I prayed about it’ (and push the blame on God ha ha) syndrome, we end up saying yes to something our heart says no, and later, of course, we crib about it.
Girls! We are so cute and so silly aand so easily trapped in false guilt. I remember my family and few friends asking me to do the same thing – “Pray about every guy”
I’m sure guys also face the same problem from their parents, pushing them to consider every girl, every photo, every ‘sambandam’ and attend every ‘pelli choopulu.’ They say singles have high expectations, and should just at least pray about every proposal.
Do you apply the same principle for every decision you make?
Let’s say, you want to purchase a car. We recently went through the same process – we wanted one that gives good mileage, and spacious enough to accommodate my tall husband, and our family (meaning parents). I remember getting irritated when the showroom guy kept showing us Alto-K10 series, and initially my dad kept insisting on that, because he figured we’re doing long distances, and Alto is the best option. But here I was, wanting to graduate from Maruti 800, and I wanted something more than just power-steering and AC, I was looking for comfort also. This car was supposed to be dad’s gift to me, and we went along with him everywhere – Mark (my husband) and me. Finally, we sat in the Alto, and realised it was a waste of time. The sales guy was forcing us for a test drive, but we just said No. We know it would waste his time and ours if we went for a test drive.
Now don’t go all mad at me, thinking I’m comparing people to cars, but I’m just comparing the decision-making process. Later, when we explained our specs to dad, he understood, and finally we zeroed in on Tata Indica Vista Diesel, and we’re so happy with it. Vista was little beyond our budget, but dad saw the long-term benefits and agreed with our decision.
We did test drive those that fit in our budget, but not any small cars, and not even any super luxurious ones. We test drove Wagon R, Ritz, Honda Brio and Estello. We did not even try Swift, or Fiesta because that was clearly out of our range. We tried Ion also, again because of peer pressure, and wasted time in the traffic!
The Vista does make a little noise, but common you can’t do ‘avva and buvva’ now. We’re saving on petrol costs, because diesel is half the price, and the mileage is good,and great comfort.
When it comes to marriage, why don’t we use our common sense, and use only our so-called ‘spiritual’ sense? Why don’t we apply the basic-est of principles of decision-making to the biggest decision of our lives?
My encounter with not-my-type
One guy asked me out once and he persisted and persisted, emails and sms, and kept insisting that I pray about it. I told him it is a NO, because he was totally not my type at all. There was no room for consideration also. He sent me an email of how God spoke to him that it was His will, and that I am made for him and stuff. I stuck to my NO! I did not have to ask Jesus to reveal in a dream that it was a NO. He created me, and I’m in a living relationship with my Savior, and when you’re in a living, active relationship with God, you don’t have to cross-check every little thing. He will ‘put his desires’ in your heart. If I asked him about this guy, God would’ve said – “Common, Joy, you know the answer. Use your common sense and follow the radar of your heart.”
When you know what you’re looking for, even God knows and understands. When my dad saw my puppy sad face when I was in the Alto, he felt bad himself for asking me to even try it. God will never force you into anything your heart is pumping NOs at. He perfectly understands when you say you want a girl whom you find attractive (not whom the whole world finds attractive), and there is nothing wrong with that. I respect men and women who openly say “I’m looking for someone who loves the Lord and whom I find attractive.”
While on ‘attractive’, let me share my friend’s story ..
Why Grace considered a non-attractive but her-type guy?
One of my friends, Grace (name changed), initially did not find her guy friend very attractive, but she always had a great friendship going with him. She was always attracted to him as a person, and not necessarily his looks per say. When he asked her out, she wanted to consider him because by then she was in love with his family and she hit it off very well with him also. Later, the more she knew him, the more attractive he was to her, and after getting her confirmation from God, she said a yes..and today they both are married – oh so happily!! Earlier, her hitch was also the fact that he was much older to her, but today, she doesn’t feel the age gap at all. (What if she stuck to that point, that he is a little older than she had asked for ?) Grace said she was willing to compromise on anything else, as long as the basic criterion was being met. In her case, she looked for someone who loved God, loved her and who had a loving family (cos she moved to another country, lost her mother, and family became a very important factor.) She did have attraction, but it was not totally physical. Grace was always attracted to him as a person and she felt drawn towards him.
So when you know what you’re looking for in a spouse, stick to the basics. Don’t shoot above it (like a Ford Fiesta, for my budget) or don’t compromise too much (Alto, for me). Stay balanced.
Don’t go for test drives and waste your time and the other person’s time. And stop feeling guilty for saying a NO right away. Be polite, but be firm.
And God is faithful, remember, above all else! He supports your decision:)