Day 10: Can’t wait for tomorrow


Had a rough day – wasn’t feeling well at all. Took a Tylenol and slept for a while. Then went to the tailor with Sanjay anna and mamma to give 3 blouses for stitching. And as always, I really don’t know what kind of back-design to approve. My hair will anyway cover half of the blouse at the back, and what great design can I suggest for the left over ?

Well, designers like Sanjay anna have a passion and talent for that, and so does mom, and that saves me all the thinking trouble. My way of escape when they ask me what I want for the blouse is “Arey enti anna, meru expert, meru inka mamma decide chesayandi.”

Also, went to Bellaza to buy some matching accessories for the Bachelorette party tomorrow. The theme is retro- 70s-look, and I realised at 8 pm that I had nothing to match the theme. Imagine a party thrown in my honor (dishonor:) has the guest of honor (dis) show up in a non-theme attire! No baba, I ain’t giving more room for ragging.

In all this jhanjhat or marriage panulu, I did not meet Mark for 6 days, which is a record-break, except the time when I went out of station to Bangalore for 5 days. He was so upset yesterday and even today that I could not  come out. I felt terrible, but kya kare, after 9 days, we are gonna spend a lifetime together.

As much as I enjoy meeting every day,I also enjoy little times of distance. There is something beautiful about staying apart and coming back together. When I see him tomorrow, I am gonna be so excited. Also, I have many stories to tell. Sad that we can’t have lunch together, cos that time is reserved for the ragging party.

Will this excitement to be with each other continue, even after marriage? 

I kept thinking about that today. It might continue for a while, but it might die down later or what .. I don’t really know. I have asked many couples the same question – does the spark go away, does the excitement fade away, does the attraction leave, blah blah. Most of them said that its a different era now and is very beautiful also. Still, my mind kept imagining things – what will do if the spark goes, how should ensure we don’t get bored of each other, etc.

Then I remembered that verse about what thinking. It goes like this “Whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.” (Philippians 4:8)

I stopped right there at “Whatsoever things are TRUE”. Whatever I was thinking and wondering and brooding about did not even happen. They all are “what ifs”. Nothing like that was happening now, and I was thinking about some insecure thing in the future.

“Do not worry about tomorrow” – it was a commandment given by Jesus. How come we stress more on the other Do-nots like “Do not steal,” “Do not commit adultery,” “Do not kill,”Do not commit sexual immorality” and such others. We conveniently chose which ones are more important. According to the Bible, every word is important. 

I think ‘do not worry’ is one of the most difficult ones to obey. As simple as it sounds, if only we could do it, there would be double joy in our lives. I guess we love to see joyful people and we admire them also. Like the chulbulli, easy-going, talkative, full of life-kinda heroines in the movies are the ones we love. Cos it is so hard to really be non-fussy, non-complaining, and ever-joyful!

I once learnt, and reminded myself today – that worry is meditating on the wrong things, most of them which never happened. Meditation is focused thinking. And worry is just negative meditation. 

If I trust that the Lord has led me thus far, and He is in my tomorrows, then I won’t worry. If I do worry, I don’t trust Him fully. 

Today, I am happy that Mark misses me like crazy. What will happen tomorrow, kal dekh lenge. Today, truly, has enough worries of its own. 

Toy told me yesterday, while we were having dinner at Alex’s Kitchen. “Pramod says he loves me more now than ever before, more than he did during the courtship time. He says what he has for me now is far beyond and not even comparable to the love he had then. ” The love just grew deep over the years…

.. and I was worried about love still being ‘mad-crazy-type’ , when ‘deep’ love is what I should be looking forward to. I remember now, as I write, that one of the qualities that pulled me towards Mark, was his deep love for me. He did not run behind me, bug me with calls, or send a thousand love letters. But in a million other thoughtful ways showed he cared deeply for me. He’s not the crazy-love-expressing types, but somehow conveyed through consistent love, that his love for me was deep, and it wasn’t going anywhere, no matter what I did or did not do.

“Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? (Mat 6:26)

 

 

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