Day 21: When things go wrong!


We wanted to start our card distribution from today, and lo and behold the printer uncle (he’s quite aged, don’t ask how we found him) landed at home with huge bundles of my wedding cards, all printed WRONG. We kept asking him to show us the proof, but he never did and there were mistakes galore. Color wasn’t right, paper was too thin, the whole look was different!

And then started all the tane at home. Everyone trying to blame each other for trusting the wrong person, though we all, at some point, had some intuition about not giving the printing to him, cos he is a paper supplier, who convinced us he would do a good job. Abhi buzurg hai, tho we thought, let’s give him business – seems like a good man. Good man, he was; but good work – na ha!

So, I had to do lot of bhagam dowdi. Mark helped me out (as always). Had fruit custard at Friends Corner with Mark and Suri (my uncle). 

It was already bad that the printing had gone bad, but what I felt more bad about was – taking it all out on Mark, when he met me briefly, to help me, for just half an hour. Within minutes, I managed to turn his bright-smiled face into first a confused-look and then a not-very-happy expression. 

I envy the mindset of men who are wired differently from women, and sometimes, I think I can pick that kind of thinking for certain situations, like this. Guess most of you  know that when a man leaves office, he closes the office file and comes home, and opens a new home file. A woman is wired otherwise – her whole world is intertwined – all one BIG file! The man normally does not like to bring office home. So when the woman asks him, “Tell me what ALL happened at office”, he’s thinking to himself  “but that file is closed”and is strenous for him to open it again. 

So he goes “Same thing. Nothing new.”

Wow, what all happened in office was summarized in four words! 

Then of course, we women start to probe, (cos we know they might need help, and we think our questions will help them give us an essay instead of a short answer), “Anything funny?”

“No, not really. So why don’t you tell me what you’ve been doing the whole day.”

“You first. I told you to talk sweetheart, not ask me to talk. Tell me no.”

Well, my point was not this (then why did I make it), but what I like is their wiring, which helps them to close the office file, and come home to be completely at home, resigned from what happened at office. I sometimes, wish, as a woman, I could do that, naturally. If I only could leave all the mess that happened at home, and enjoy that half-hour completely with Mark… the whole problem-solving business would have been fun!

I’ve often observed that men don’t like to immediately, talk about what bugged them at work. They’ll just inform you that something’s gone wrong, and you expect them to open up when you reach home, and they’re like “Baah, I really don’t want to talk about it. It bugs me.”

Oh ok!

Most of my married friends kept reiterating one advice: “Joy, enjoy these courtship days, they will never come back again. Don’t let anything rob your joy. Both of you must have a blast.”

And I want to do that. I don’t want to get overwhelmed with what went wrong, when 9 out of 10 things went right today. Seriously, that card-mishap was the only 1 thing that went wrong today, and I let that rob my peace and joy, and my precious moments with my fiance and my family.

In fact, there were many other blessings I experienced today which I totally could not rejoice about it!

My mom drove sense into us, “Let’s stop brooding over the details on how this went wrong. Let’s move on.”

I once learnt and practised a good habit, which I have forgotten of late. Think of at least 5 blessings to thank God for before you sleep every day. Name them and be grateful.
Gratitude is one attitude, which if I cultivate during the brighter days, will help me during the cloudy days.

My cousin, Pearl, who worked extensively with mentally and physically challenged children, came home to see my sister’s baby and she had these words to say, which I can never forget:

“If your baby cries as soon as he was born, thank God.

If all his limbs are functioning, thank God.

If he is able to hear, thank God.

If he can see, thank God.

If you have a family to help you, thank God.

If you found a decent hospital, thank God.

If he is healthy, with all body parts intact, thank God.

If he is normal, thank God”

We are so familiar with the ‘normal’, with the ‘ordinary’ that we forget – even the ‘ordinary’, the ‘normal’, is a gift, and we are to be ever thankful! (Why should we wait till something is snatched away to realize its worth?)

There’s a song that puts it so well:

Count your blessings, name them one by one

Count your blessings, see what God has done,

Count your blessings, name them one by one,

And it will surprise you what the Lord has done!

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6 comments

  1. Wow.. beautiful. really nice.. 🙂 Am sorry about the card mishap.. but am glad you chose to move on and look ahead. Btw, I think I need to start cultivating the habit of thanking the Lord for atleast 5 blessings.. this was an eye opener to me… 🙂 thank you for sharing these experiences! I look forward to your blog every day!! Great writer are you and greater is HE who has put the desire in you to wind your experience around Him. Stay blessed even as you wait on the Lord for your big day! He shall perfect everything that concerns you! Ps 138:8.

  2. My dear Joy,

    I am happy that you are engaged and due to be married soon. My regards and love to Mark. Take care of him and he will take care of you: “Do unto others what you would have them do unto you.”

    Being negative comes naturally to most people, because it is a part of our upbringing and the social system. But being positive needs to be cultivated, if it has to become a personal habit. You have to work at it. You are aware, my dear Joy, that you need to be positive. That is a good first step. Now, you need to practise gratitude for what you have and make positive thinking a habit. My best wishes for your efforts.

    Blogs are a good way, I have found, to communicate with friends, colleagues and students. You have an easy spoken style, without any obvious errors. Keep writing and I know you have it in you to become a great writer one day.

    Peace and love,
    – Joe.

    • Thank so much for those kind words! I’m so glad you took the time to leave a comment. You are right in saying that we have to practice being positive and it doesn’t come easily, which is the challenge. Thanks for your wishes also!

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