Day 27: His Story, Her Story


His Story, Her Story

No, this is not the title I came up with, though it fits fine – these were the titles on sign boards of the restrooms at a pizza joint. I have seen She-He, King-Queen, Raja-Rani, etc., but this was the first time I saw ‘Her Story’ for the ladies loo, and ‘His Story’ for the gents loo.

Hello? What story do you want to know? What the girl does inside versus what the guy does? Who would be interested in our gender-loo-stories? Her Loo Story, His Loo Story, Falling in Loo, 2011 A Loo Story, Peh-loo, Kissa Kursi Ka, Mere Angne Mein Mera kya Kaam Hai!

Seriously, every one has a different ‘loo’ story. And for most girls, who are a little like me, here it is:

Even if I enter the loo in a mad rush, there is only thing that can make me put the nature’s call on call waiting – a mirror! I stop, see and then proceed, saying to myself “Joy, first finish your thing, and then look later.”

The hygienic types of course clean the toilet seat, and then do the dooty, but after its all over, we come back to the mirror. Check how we’re looking from all angles – I even smile and see how I’m able to give a natural smile. What if we wanna click a phone-pic – how should I smile? Then I set my hair, and walk out.

That’s my “Her Story”

And please, I don’t invite guys to tell me their “His Story”, so feel free to be your natural expression-less selves and spare us the details!

However, forget the loo-stories, if we can understand our gender differences and learn to celebrate it -love just blossoms. And that’s one point I took home at the much-awaited premarital counseling session with Samson Gandhi and his wife, from Person-to-Person Counseling Center.  We  had a reality check on Her Love Story and His Love Story. Not just how we fell in love, but what essentially  our love languages were, what love meant to us, and what does it take to keep the love going.

We started out by filling in separate questionnaires, and I kept looking at Mark who filled it out fast, as if he knew all the answers. For me (girls), when we see a question like  “What is your idea of being loved by your life partner?”, we just slip back into the sofa and keep wondering which one of the many points we must write in the limited three lines. Thankfully, the questions mentioned figures- ‘List 4 ways’, etc., so that kept me line-bound and time-bound.

It was lovely. We answered same questions, and we were reading out the answers, one after another. I was pleasantly surprised, and so was Mark. We were asked to write our weaknesses and strengths, and those of the  partner’s as well. I loved to hear what Mark had to say about my strengths, and even my weaknesses.

Later, they told us that we need to build on our strengths, at the same time, help each other to overcome our respective personality-weaknesses. We also learned how differently men and women are wired, and if we just learn to read our gender-languages, it would save us many petty fights.

Here’s an excerpt from my life:

During a heated discussion, when I’m all angry:

His Story: I’ll call you in sometime, please leave me alone for a while.

Her Story: (reads rejection) How can you leave me alone now when I’m so upset.

I want to talk about this but you don’t care.

His Story: Please, I’ll call you in 10 minutes. Can’t you give me 10 minutes?

Her Story: I never want space from you. My alone-time with myself is time with you. Earlier, you never wanted to leave me alone for half-hour also, now you want time for yourself?

His Story: We are deviating from the topic. I will call you back please, bye.

Her Story: Oh, so you’re gonna hang up on me now? Is that how this is gonna end?

His Story: (silence. Does not want to speak in his anger cos he’s afraid he might say something he should not, and is begging for time)

Her Story: Please say something, don’t keep quiet.

His Story: I’ll call back. Bye.

Her Story: Bye

Its funny how, when you talk about your own weakness with your own mouth, in the presence of a third party (someone you trust), you, very obviously see the answer right in front of you. It’s like – ‘How come this did not occur to me before?’

That’s why I guess the great book stresses on it – “Confess your faults (weaknesses) to one another”

It truly helps! I’m enjoying the process of trying to understand His Story, and how it is different from my-Her Story, and how we can, with love, just celebrate the differences. Today, I learnt – not to read his silence or his-wanting-space as rejection, and man, I feel relieved!

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