the best gift ever


Been  reading John Bevere’s book on Offense for the second time now. First time, I just read it for the heck of finishing a good book, finding out what it has to say – I love to get an overview as fast as I possibly can.

It’s only now that I am reading it chapter by chapter, processing, cross-checking and trying to find out the true condition of my heart. Am I easily offended? Have I forgiven those who hurt me? The book’s got interesting  Rate its to do at the end of each chapter.

I read a lot about how important forgiveness is, and how its more for your healing that for the offender, who, for all I know, doesn’t even know I might be still lingering in the offense …

I’m usually the kind who forgives easily. I again searched my heart, and found that I did forgive but still, I could feel a block inside of me. I’m unable to love as freely as I used to. Something was blocking my heart from giving unconditional love. I thought – may be I forgave , but did not forget. I again, went on that spree – in prayer – and dealt with that issue.

Still the block remained.

I took every offender name by name, forgave them and prayed for them.

Still the block remained.

I remember making my one-liner : The best gift to GIVE is to forGIVE. And then it hit me.. I was called to forgive everyone, every single one, that included ME.

Here I was, wanting to be a giver of the greatest gift, to the whole world, while I excluded myself from receiving it. I never completely forgave myself for all the wrongs I’ve done, all the mess I got myself into, following my feelings all the time. God’s presence just filled me at that point – His love wrapped me like a giant big hug. I weeped and weeped and finally forgave my offender – ME.

I gave ME the best gift in a long long time… now I rest.

Advertisements

8 comments

  1. Hey Joy,

    Me too having the same symptoms like you. Nice to read this as I had a review of myself. Its hard to forgive but one has to learn. Though the pain is no more there and its good to hear from ourselves that we have forgiven but somewhere deep down the crack is still there. And that scar will only fade away with love of the above. Nothing else. Will take time but will slowly get lighter. Till then. Love yourself and love others.

  2. so intense n soo true… for me u always remained a small lil girl but now i realize u hv grown not by just stature but spiritually… n m so very happy 4 u..luv u n GBU…

  3. I actually paused for a moment to check if i have the same prob ….and surely i do…thanks joy for sharing you blessed me with that…..peace outtt

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s